I have a simple question: when your partner comes home, do you A) stop what you are doing, get up, greet them, and take a moment to connect or B) say “hi honey” without glancing up from your screen – or from another room and then proceed with a line like ” I just need a few more minutes and then I’ll be free.” I’m totally guilty of often choosing option B.
It’s easy to be caught up in our head, working on projects – finishing up dinner, doing other chores, etc. that we forget – when someone comes home, this is a moment of transition in the day – an opportunity for us to lean in, and connect with our partner or our child in a meaningful way.
Yes – you aren’t wrong in wanting to finish dinner before it burns on the stove, or send that last email before logging off for the evening. Still, transitions in the day are natural opportunities for us to lean into our relationships. When someone comes home, when you pick your kid up from school, when you go to the airport to receive your loved one, etc. these are all opportunities that we can take to build relationships intentionally and in a loving manner that aligns with our values.
As Jim White and I discussed in our podcast interview, the best way to make use of these moments of transition is to take a few minutes before the moment arrives (aka after your spouse texts “on my way,” when you know the school bus is going to arrive in 10 mins, etc.) to set your personal expectations. This is tuning into your self-talk and checking in with how you want to show up in these next few moments. This self-check-in allows you to align with your values of compassion, kindness, empathy, listening, etc. It’s a critical preliminary step to successfully engage in a transition moment intentionally.
The second step is to take those first few minutes after getting in the car, or when your spouse comes home to be present, listen, and share – before each individual goes back into the humdrum of life.
Sounds simple right? Well, it can be, as long as we acknowledge that sometimes we will have to “disrupt” what we are doing to take a moment to quite literally make eye contact and connect with our people before finishing up that to-do list item.
LoVita 