In a relationship, both you and your partner have individual needs, the Sweet Spot in a relationship consists of the needs you share in common. Heather Claus and I talked about this in more detail in our podcast interview, but essentially: my partner may love to go hiking, run marathons, and play pickleball – and I on the other hand love to paint, bake, and explore breweries. Fulfilling these needs is our individual responsibility. What we share in common: our love of playing games, nature, travel, etc. are the activities that fall into our Sweet Spot. These are activities we can leverage to build healthier, deeper, and more intimate relationships with our partner – because we both know we enjoy doing them, so why not find ways to do them together?
When it comes to our individual needs, it’s important to find ways to satisfy them on our own. Perhaps I can plan a paint nite with my girlfriends, or go check out a brewery on my next lunch date. The point is to not rely on our relationship with our Partner as the sole space for these needs to be fulfilled.
The things that we enjoy in common like traveling, playing games, spending time in nature, etc. These go into our “Sweet Spot” – these are the things that we enjoy doing with each other, and they bring us joy. More than that, these are the activities that can help to strengthen the bond in your relationship.
As you work on identifying what your needs are and your Partner does the same, you’ll see that the things that fall into your Sweet Spot are actually Values that you and your Partner share. After all, identifying your values as a couple is an important step in building a strong and healthy relationship. Your values are the principles and beliefs that guide your decisions, actions, and priorities in life. To identify your values as a couple, you can follow these steps:
- Self-reflection:
- Each Partner should start by individually reflecting on their own values and beliefs. Think about what matters most to you, what drives your decisions, and what you stand for in life. Write down a list of your personal values.
- Share your individual values:
- Sit down with your Partner and share your individual lists of values. This is an opportunity to learn more about each other’s core principles and what is important to each of you.
- Identify common values:
- Look for values that you both share or have in common. These shared values can serve as a strong foundation for your relationship. Common values often include things like honesty, kindness, family, career, or personal growth.
- Discuss differences:
- It’s also essential to discuss the values that you may not share. Understand why certain values are important to each of you and how they might influence your decisions and actions. This can help you appreciate each other’s perspectives and find ways to accommodate differences.
- Prioritize your values:
- Once you’ve identified your values, prioritize them. Determine which values are most important to each of you and as a couple. This can help you make decisions that align with your shared values.
- Create a shared values statement:
- Write a values statement together that reflects the values you both hold dear. This statement can serve as a guide for your relationship and help you stay true to your core principles.
- Regularly revisit and refine:
- Values can evolve over time, so it’s important to regularly revisit and refine your values as a couple. This can be done during discussions, particularly when making important decisions or facing challenges.
Remember that identifying and living your values is an ongoing process. It requires open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to work together as a couple. When you share common values and use them as a compass for your relationship, you are more likely to have a fulfilling and lasting partnership.
As you identify your values, you’ll simultaneously answer what falls into your Sweet Spot.
A little spin on values that we like to do in our relationship, is convert our Values into Traditions to make it easier to live by our Values on a daily basis. Traditions are activities or moments that we choose to celebrate often and in a meaningful way. For example, my partner and I love celebrating “First Moments”, so in our Sweet Spot, we’ve added many -versaries.
For example, we have our first-hand-hold-versary, first-kiss-versary, move-to-seattle-versary, etc. And every time one of these -versaries pops up on our calendar, it’s a chance for us to share a smile, memory, or meal over fond memories.
Identifying our Values and creating Traditions has enabled my partner and me to access the Sweet Spot in our relationship more easily. Do you know what falls into your Sweet Spot?
LoVita 