Skip the Beat – Ndini – Self Identity in Relationships – Love Vitamins for Relationships
A word from the Shona language in Zimbabwe, Ndini, that translates to “this is me” in English.
- Self Identity in a relationship
- Balance between Sharing vs Controlling
- Setting boundaries
- How others see us is crucial for our self-identity; start by understanding your beliefs and then share what you learn and know.
- Remain adaptable; acknowledge that your identity is malleable and that conflicts aren’t bad – just opportunities for curiosity and growth.
- Regardless of how you are received when you share your truth, stand by your boundaries
Before you can share with your partner what you want, there is a lot of self-identity work that is needed to be done to answer how you are and who you want to be.
Doing identity work, we start to realize that identity as a concept is quite malleable, it’s quite fluid. Looking at it in terms of “this or that” is very reductionist. Identity is more of an amalgamation or a culmination of different moving parts.
To discover the fine balance of how much and when to share in a new relationships
- Digest and discern what are the important things to share
- Start to build a foundation of mutual respect and understanding by sharing in small doses and using curiosity to ask questions
Start with – Sit with yourself, and identity, what are those non-negotiable boundaries within you? What are the things that you don’t know you can’t function without?
Navigating the fine line between controlling and letting go can be tricky. We often feel like we have to give something to get something. By transforming our ORs into ANDs, we can change this negotiation in our favor. Start having these conversations with yourself, to understand where our boundaries start and when it gets to sacrifice.
To build a healthy partnership, work on laying down the foundation for your relationship so difficult conversations don’t have to be hard ones and can be everyday, honest and real conversation. Building a healthy relationship requires hard work and being intentional about normalizing such difficult conversations.