How to use the Love Dice to find your Love Vitamin of the day with Paul Zolman – Love Vitamins for Life
Jerry Dugan is the CEO and Senior Consultant of BtR Impact, LLC, a consulting and training company focused on helping leaders define success on their terms so they can live fulfilled, meaningful lives with impact and not lose their faith, their families, or their health. His work experience includes serving in the U.S. Army as a combat medic, corporate training facilitator, and organizational development leader. Jerry is also the the host and producer of Beyond the Rut podcast and currently lives in Dallas, Texas, enjoying the empty nester life with his wife Olivia. They have two adult children, three cats, a dog, and no car loans!
Try these 3 steps before entering home after your day from work
Jerry shared with us their habit or ritual that he and his wife had had worked over the years to keep their love intentional and alive in their relationship. Listen to the full episode for the full explanation but we broke it down to the three steps below.
1️⃣ Recharge or regroup yourself – Put yourself in the right frame of mind before you enter into the door and meet your partner and/or family
2️⃣ Prioritize your partner – Take some time out to catch up on the day with your partner before you do anything else
3️⃣ Be present and engaged – Be there for each other
In the first steps, Jerry says, that after getting home, he would sit in the car for a few minutes just to zone out and, just get it out of his system that work is done. He would think about about going into the house and visualize a little bit of what did he want that night to look like. What kind of engagements with my kids, with my wife did he want.
In the second step, once he walked in that door, he and Olivia would go to their room and closed the door. It we established with the kids that they’re gonna have about 20 minutes of just mommy and daddy time. What happened in that 20 minutes behind closed doors you ask? They talked – COMMUNICATED!! One of the most important things to maintain a healthy relationship. It sends such a strong message to your partner that you come first before anything else.
The last step, is to be there, to be present and engage with each other so that they can tackle the rest of the night together.
Priorities in your relationship – Your partner comes first
Since Jerry had been in his relationship for a couple decades, we asked Jerry for some advice for people new into relationships and marriages. He gave us some more compelling reasons why we should put our relationship with our partner first before our children and extended friends and family. For their family with a Christian faith he says, “we put God first and then we put each other second, and then we would put our kids third.” He adds that if you could just replace the first part with your faith but the main point was that the relationship between him and his wife would have precedent over our relationship with their kids, extended family, friends and co-workers.
Listen to the full recording of the episode to learn more about the rational behind this priority. In their childhood, both Olivia and Jerry, had experienced divorces and separations of adults around them and they wanted to make sure to build healthy practices in their relationship from the get go. He adds that he wanted to make sure that she’s gonna be like – “all right, yeah, I choose him again for another day.” This speaks volumes about their level of commitment towards each other.
In terms of parenting he adds, “people like to say, we put the kids first, and, it sounds great, it sounds noble, and it may feel like that’s where you need to put your effort. And for us to put ourselves ahead of the kids, was our long-term strategy because we knew that at some point our oldest was gonna turn 18 and leave. And then our daughter was just a couple years behind her. And she was gonna go off and do her own thing. And so we’re like, okay, so if we do the math, we got maybe 20 years before we’re empty nesters and I want to know the person I’m empty nesting with and, and not be a total stranger.”
Divorces amongst empty nesters is high. We’ve previously shared this as well that – Among U.S. adults ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has roughly doubled since the 1990s.
By connecting every single day, Jerry and Olivia are in a healthy space to co-parent their kids. Jerry adds, “If there was one thing our kids could tell everybody, without us coaching them to say it is that they can never split us up and make mom and dad work against each other. Like we were always on the same page.” They set great examples for their kids demonstration the value of building a healthier relationship with their partner and showing them that they are a strong team together. Its like putting the practical application living by example, rather than preaching to the kids.
Let’s bandage the takeaways for todays episode on why we should prioritize our partners our relationships with them before some of the other relationships
- Before you interact with your partner – take a moment for yourself. Recharge and regroup to put yourself in the right frame of mind
- Prioritize your relationship with your partner – Take time to catch up on the day. Work on your relationship so that your partner chooses YOU every single day.
- Teach your kids by example, that you and your partner are a strong team together.