The Biggest Problem men face when in Relationships with Kimberly Hill – Love Vitamins for Relationships
Kimberly is a Certified Dating & Relationship Coach and a Master Neurolinguistic Practitioner who supports men to attract and keep healthy, loving relationships. She is the host of the honest and relatable podcast, The Self-Confidence Project where she talks candidly about the stuff we all face in life and love. She has thousands of hours of direct intimate work with men on confidence, dating, and relationships and brings a mastery of coaching, emotional maturity practices, and leadership to her clients. Her clients go on to find fulfilling and deeply rewarding relationships.
So what is the biggest problem that men face in relationships today? Raashi thinks that I don’t understand the female perspective (how dare she !?) Huffpost rates attraction, sex and communication as the top 3 biggest relationship issues in Men. As per our expert guest, Kimberly, “Of course everyone is having unique or different experiences and different frustrations that they bring to the dating process and into their relationships. But without a doubt, over the last few, many years I’ve worked with men, there are common themes that do tend to reoccur.” She talks more about how men are often unaware of what they are looking for or from a relationship, approaching them with unhealthy attachment styles.
Lack of understanding of what you are looking for
One of them is that a lot of men dating today aren’t particularly sure. what they’re looking for. Oftentimes, and this goes for men and women, oftentimes we get into the dating process and we let. Things like attractiveness be the leading factor. Ooh, I think that guy’s hot, so I’ll date him. Ooh, I think that woman’s beautiful, so I’ll date her. And oftentimes we allow ourselves to be clouded by the sexual chemistry or the attraction, and we don’t really consider. The underlying components of personality, behavior, compatibility, shared visions, a and things that really actually are the, like the secret recipe for making a successful long-term relationship.
So first thing, of course, is getting into, dating or a relationship without really understanding what you’re looking for. What brings you satisfaction with you can, you can see now it’s very easy to to, to reflect and go. Of course that’s gonna cause frustration and stress. So clarity is super important and, and we can go about getting that in different ways.
More men, in particular in the United States, can expect to grow up in fatherless homes than they can expect to grow up with a father. Which means that the way men are being raised in today’s society is different from how men were raised in the past. If men are being raised by their mothers, their mothers are, usually displaying different characteristics and their fathers would. And I do tend to see a lot of men that are particularly conflict avoidant or can get into certain, behavioral patterns like people plea. Now this doesn’t bode well in the dating process or in your relationships because sometimes these men are lacking the ability to express what they need to ask for, what they need, and oftentimes they’re trying to do their absolute best to please their partner, but they’re, sabotaging their own needs and wants. And so early on, That might make a woman fall for him. Oh, he’s so shris and so charming and he always is sinking to me. Gosh, he’s so considerate and wow, this man is perfect , right? And then you get into the realness of a relationship where drama and conflict and mistakes and all sorts of things come up. And if an individual isn’t particularly equipped with how to be honest or communicate effectively or to ask for what they need, and they still tend to fall into that, people pleasing, usually it builds up a great deal of resent. And it causes the relationships to deteriorate because you are. Trust first and foremost. When you’re not being honest with what you feel, think what you need, you’re actually not being a trustworthy person. So when trust starts to dissolve in a relationship, your emotional connection dissolves, your physical connection dissolves. And guess what? A lot of these men are divorced. A lot of these men have been divorced by their partners because more women initiate divorce than men. So these guys who. , wow. I was just doing my best end up being rejected by their partners and they internalize that thinking it’s all their fault. when really they might just be missing a couple fundamental skills that are not always easy to learn and apply, but are essential to understand for any healthy long-term, commitment.
It’s essentially not a sustainable practice to be able to consistently be putting more energy or resources into your relationship than you are actually being able to replenish from it. Constantly creating this scarcity, this depletion of who you are, what you’re bringing into this relationship, it’s not a sustainable practice for a long-term healthy relationship because that’s not built on equality. Kimberly adds to that,
It’s really important in any relationship to have what’s considered like strong interdependence. If two people in a relationship are so independent, then they’re not really sharing their lives with each other. and if two people in a relationship are so co-dependent, Well, then they’re sharing too much with each other, and neither of those are particularly a good recipe for a healthy, long-term relationship. Either of those scenarios might last long-term, but doesn’t necessarily mean they’re fulfilling or satisfying or healthy. And so really what we wanna look for is healthy interdependence, which means we have a really strong sense of our own identity. We know what we like and don’t like. We can communicate that with our partner and they can do the same. We can share parts of our lives together. We can trust that we can rely on one another, but we also know how to get out and get on with our day. We also have friends that we socialize with and hobbies and passions we pursue that are independent of our partner, and that’s what keeps us as an individual, strong and healthy because we know who we are and what brings us satisfaction.