Love vs Intimacy (Into-me-see) for Partners with Francesca and Stan Levine – Love Vitamins for Relationships
Francesca (left) and Stan (right) Levine are relationship practitioners in Australia with over 58 years of combined experience as a Psychologist and a Counsellor respectively. They have been married for 55 years and have been referred to as Relationship Masters, voted in the top 3 relationship practitioners in Melbourne.
This is the first half of our conversation with them we talk about what makes their relationship special and did a dive into love vs intimacy and much more. Seems like we’ve been intimate with intimacy since our our latest framework on Intimacy = into-me-see. The second half our conversation includes a fun exercise called Cherishment which will be available next week.
Their story
Francesca and Stan met on a blind date. She had never been on one before. Stan was recommended by a friend to Francesca because she’d just broken up with her fiancé at the age of 19. Anyway. Francesca recalls, “when he came over, it was love at first start from me. I just looked at him and thought, oh my God.” After more than a year, they got married during which Francesca passed out cause she was hungry and bored in a big 400 plus people event which she didn’t really want. She jokes that “He nearly passed out when he saw me cuz he thought I looked so beautiful.”
Before they started working together, Stan worked as a lawyer and Francesca worked first as a high school teacher. During which time they had 2 kids. After that she started an import/export business which ended with an unfortunate accident where she lost her mother. Francesca spent a year in massive depression and by the end of that period, she had become an expert in depression having been through it. Later she graduated with an honors in psychology.
After over 30 years of being together – while she was training for another degree in Psychology, Stan accompanied Francesca for a couple’s workshop for around 3 times in a year and get trained as an educator in the Imago Therapy practice. This is when they started working together on the Relationship Rescue Institute of Australia.
What attracts couples to them for relationship advice?
Apart from having decades of experience practicing counseling, we were curious as to what is it that makes them and their relationship special. Stan jokes that “with my white hair and the wrinkles, it makes a big impression because that indicates to them experience, which clearly there is and sometimes they believe I’m wise and I’m not sure about that, but they seem to think so and it gets through. So it works.” To which Francesca adds that he is wise as he’s learned everything from his wife. But what really attracts people to them, Francesca says, is that, “They see us in the waiting room. We can’t pass each other without a hug and a kiss. Right. And this is true and it’s just, it’s fleeting, but it makes a very lasting impression. You know, we are very connected.” She says, “You know, ours, I believe is a very romantic and true story. We could put it up in Hollywood and people will say, this isn’t real, but it is. So it’s who we are. That makes, I believe.” Stan agrees and she continues, “It’s who we are. That makes a difference. So even in the momentary passing or when we are teaching, cuz you know there are weekend workshops and things. It’s the energy between us. It’s not what you say, it’s how people feel. That’s what they remember. And I think the, the, the love and joy and fun we have, so lots of, we can laugh over a lot of things, right? And I think after so many years that there’s still fun, joy, and love and hot sex. Hey, what else do you want? Good food. We don’t even have to leave the house.” to which Stan agrees.
Difference between love and intimacy
Stan says that he believes that “Love is all encompassing”. He adds, “there’s all different ways you show love and, and when you show love. It’s important that you show love to the other person and the way they need to receive it. Because as you would know, everybody’s got different love language.”
Francesca translates intimacy as Into-me-see. She believes that, “in order to be loving, you have to do it in an intimate way, which means how you show up without boundaries. And I mean, there are boundaries that are appropriate.” She says, that intimacy’s about removing blocks and then “the intimacy, the love flows because intimacy’s from the inside unfettered. It’s who you are. It’s how you show up. Well, isn’t that what love is?”
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi
After mentioning the kinds of intimacies – mental, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual – she adds “intimacy is those levels that the different ones of how you express yourself. I think love is the flavor.” Stan adds, “I see intimacy as exposure of yourself. Yeah. You are exposing yourself, and then not everybody’s prepared to do that.”
She continues, “There are lots of couples who start off in an intimate, loving relationship about the in love stage. Passes, and then they think they’re done instead of realizing that’s where the real relationship begins. So if you do the work required to deepen, then you have more romance. Otherwise a lot of couples break up or they just have a kind, you know, co-share relationship. And plenty of people do that.”
We continue on the discussions and peel many more layers of intimacy and how working on your relations is actually pretty easy. Listen to the full episode to enjoy the conversation.
Takeaways
- Love is contagious. When you are in love and have a healthy relationship with your partner, you’ll pour out the love to people around you. As Francesca said, “It’s not what you say, it’s how people feel. That’s what they remember.”
- Love and intimacy have similarities but are different. Love is more encompassing, and intimacy is a way how you would show up in the relationship.
- Working on your relationship is not hard work. it doesn’t have to be. It can be the easiest thing in the world. With time and consistency, using different frameworks and exercises that work for your relationship, you can build it into a healthier one.
Connect with Francesca and Stan Levine
- Website: relationshiprescueinstitute.com.au
- Facebook: relationshiprescueinstitute