Frameworks

Having your partner CHOOSE YOU FIRST with Jerry Dugan

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Having your partner CHOOSE YOU FIRST with Jerry Dugan – Love Vitamins for Relationships

In our conversation with Jerry Dugan, he says, "like live in a way that. She's gonna be like, all right, yeah, I choose him again for another day." So we asked him what his thoughts were on how to make sure that the love between partners doesn't just stay at a constant rate. The biggest thing is making sure I'm listening more than I'm speaking in the relationship. Listen to the full episode for Jerry's story on how he was putting them first and, and also communicating something he would want to do. We also learn about – H.A.L.T – A framework which can be used to reduce conflict in relationships. Before you say, anything to your partner, halt and check for the below H – Am I hungry? A – Am I angry about something else? L – Am I feeling lonely? T – Am I tired? And if the answer to any of those things is a YES, then the conflict or conversation between you and your partner isn't about whatever's going on – it's about something else entirely. So what can you do? Simple answer is to take care of yourself and let your partner know. If you're hungry – get a snack. If you're angry or feeling lonely or tired – let your partner know. Takeaways The biggest thing to do in a relationship is making sure you're listening more than speaking Put your loved ones first and communicate with them if there is something you would like to do Use HALT – the self assessment tool to halt the conversation if you find yourself Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, TikTok All above links in a single page Connect with Jerry Dugan Website -⁠ https://beyondtherut.com⁠ Instagram -⁠ @beyondtherut⁠ Facebook -⁠ @beyondtherut⁠ TikTok -⁠ @beyondtherut⁠ LinkedIn -⁠ jerrydugan — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/support

Jerry Dugan is the CEO and Senior Consultant of BtR Impact, LLC, a consulting and training company focused on helping leaders define success on their terms so they can live fulfilled, meaningful lives with impact and not lose their faith, their families, or their health. His work experience includes serving in the U.S. Army as a combat medic, corporate training facilitator, and organizational development leader. Jerry is also the the host and producer of Beyond the Rut podcast and currently lives in Dallas, Texas, enjoying the empty nester life with his wife Olivia. They have two adult children, three cats, a dog, and no car loans!

This is the second episode from our conversation with Jerry. In our last episode, we focused on how you should go tell your partner today that they come first. Here, we talk about the HALT framework and other ways how you can make sure that your partner chooses you every single day.

What do you do to grow the love?

Often in relationships we find that when at some point things start to be very monotonous and the excitement levels are not the same as they used to be.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with this stability. It’s great. Having stability in a relationship is an amazing accomplishment. But sometimes it can start to fee like things are spicy but not hot. You are happy but not necessarily excited. Your partner thinks your great but not necessarily attracted to you as they used to be.

And to make sure your partner chooses you every single day – you need to be attractive. Ansh would say be the best yourself. Your partner loves you for who you are. Don’t take them from granted. Love them and they will love you back more. Raashi would say, work on yourself to you make you better than the best yourself. They will see you grow and love you more.

In our conversation with Jerry, he says, “like live in a way that. She’s gonna be like, all right, yeah, I choose him again for another day.” So we asked him what his thoughts were on how to make sure that the love between partners doesn’t just stay at a constant rate.

The biggest thing is making sure I’m listening more than I’m speaking in the relationship.

Listen to the full episode for Jerry’s story on how he was putting them first and, and also communicating something he would want to do. This led to the whole family working together to find a way and time on the calendar where he got his wishes fulfilled. It’s beautiful to hear how without explicitly asking the family – hey, I need four days – but instead expressing and communicating his desires to let them know that this is something that you wanna fulfill and which will bring joy to him. Then, somehow all of them work together to make that happen, to make sure everyone’s happy. And it’s beautiful to hear that. It’s like when you put others first, they learn to do the same. Because of that practice of being reciprocal in nature now the children, family, and your spouse, put you first as well, and it’s this beautiful cycle in which everyone feels happy.

H.A.L.T. – Self assessment tool to use before communicating with your partner

A framework which can be used to reduce conflict in relationships. Before you say, anything to your partner, halt and check for the below

H – Am I hungry?
A – Am I angry about something else?
L – Am I feeling lonely?
T – Am I tired?

And if the answer to any of those things is a YES, then the conflict or conversation between you and your partner isn’t about whatever’s going on – it’s about something else entirely. So what can you do? Simple answer is to take care of yourself and let your partner know. If you’re hungry – get a snack. If you’re angry or feeling lonely or tired – let your partner know.

A lot of times conflict occurs due to the fact that there’s something else going on. Something that’s just bringing a lot of heavy emotions and those emotions are seeping into all of the cracks that are available. It’s too much of the store inside of here, so you’re, you’re using every outlet you can get. That’s not fair though, on the people in your life. However, what is fair is to let them know that there’s a lot going on inside of you and that you might need to take a minute before you can have this conversation. HALT. What a beautiful framework.

Takeaways

  1. The biggest thing to do in a relationship is making sure you’re listening more than speaking
  2. Put your loved ones first and communicate with them if there is something you would like to do
  3. Use HALT – the self assessment tool to halt the conversation if you find yourself Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.

Connect with Jerry

Relationship Repair

Ansh BahriLeave a comment

Relationship Repair – Love Vitamins for Relationships

Most conflicts follow some variation of this Conflict Resolution Curve:  🆕 Inception – The moment a conflict is registered 🌶️ Getting Hot – The in-between space 💣 Big Bang – The climactic moment of the conflict 🧊 Cool Down – The period after our conflict reaches a “resolution” 🆕 New Normal – How life will be after this conflict BUT WAIT!! There’s one step that we often miss after a New Normal has been established. 🪡 Relationship Repair – Building goodwill back into the relationship Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It's probably that you're not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created. Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship. Listen to the full episode to learn more. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Kimberly Hill Website: http://www.kimberlyninahill.com Instagram: @kimberlyninahill Podcast: The Self Confidence Project — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/support

Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It’s probably that you’re not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created.

Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship.

I also work really hard on my relationship on repairing conflict, so conflict happens. We can’t avoid it all the time. We have two people with two childhoods and two different sets of beliefs. We’re gonna have a bad argument from time to time. What I work really hard on is repairing with my partner is making up for arguments, is making sure we do something after to create positivity back in our dynamic versus just like leaving these conflicts to fester. So resolution and repair is huge and has made a huge difference in my relationship

Read more about the different stages on Relationship Repair.

To reach out to Kimberly Hill, use the resources below.

Starting from a place of Resource with Julie Hilsen

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Starting from a place of Resource with Julie Hilsen – Love Vitamins for Relationships

Julie shares with us how she sends out energy to her Angels through a wish or a prayer or whatever term people might prefer to use in their own comfort. The idea being that you're not using directive action to ask for something. You're more of sending out this energy and this request to the things that you don’t have a lot of control over. Some other things we talk about in the episode 1️⃣ Importance of Self Discovery 2️⃣ Looking at Polarity 3️⃣Conflict Decision Making Tree Sometimes we don't have the healthiest ways to deal with conflicts. This framework can really benefit making conflicts easier. Here’s how it works. 1️⃣ Take a deep breath and ask yourself, can you think of one nice thing about your partner? 2️⃣ Can you say what really made you upset? 3️⃣ Can you honestly say what you need at this moment? 4️⃣ Can you honestly say what you need at this moment. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Julie Hilsen Website: https://www.youneedapeptalk.com Instagram: jhilsen Facebook: jhilsen Book: Life of Love — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/support

Julie Hilsen is a spiritual activator who has written the book, Life of Love a Joyful Guide to Self and Sensuality. She is delighted to share how the everyday person in everyday life can reach a higher state of happiness through self-discovery and the simple task of asking. Her approachable book details how to call in your angels and guides as a supplement and to accelerate your ability to live a life of love. 

Importance of Self Discovery

If you don’t understand why you need what you need or what is it that you’re asking for, it’s very hard for you to communicate that information. A lot of the times we come into a relationship just hoping that a person’s gonna be able to pick up the pattern or really help us do that hard work. Philosophically and logically, we do get that it’s something that we have to own. Consistently we come to a relationship because we’re so intimately tied, expecting our partner to be able to help pick up the slack and be like, “oh, you should know this by now.” “I always get angry when you do X, Y, and Z.” Well, okay, have you spent any time really understanding why X, y, and Z makes you upset? That’s still your responsibility.

Julie shares how she understand the needs of herself and her husband to build a healthier relationship.

Once I owned that, that my husband, even though he loves me to the moon and back, can’t read my mind once I was able to realize he wasn’t a superhero. He’s a mere human. He’s Im mortal just like me. That, me giving him, Cold shoulder isn’t gonna teach him to love me more.

You have to show up how you want to be loved and, and you know, show by example. And you have to lovingly ask from a place of resource, because when you ask from a place of scarcity or you’re feeling lack, then your partner picks up on that. That angst and that that feeling of frustration. And it’s just a hard platform to start from.

Once you find your inner light and you own that, you do have an inner light, that you’re responsible for your inner light. And once you come to relationship on, on that basis, then you can go and and request from a place of resource and a place of giving because you can’t expect them to give you something that you aren’t able to recognize. Or ld appreciate

Looking at Polarity

One of the ways to get started, understanding ourselves better is to pay attention to the way we self-talk. A bit more kindness to ourselves because sometimes that’s an ingredient that’s incredibly lacking. Julie shares her thoughts about how people should look at polarity in their lives.

We cannot continue to exist in a world of absolutes. because that’s not, that’s not who we are. We’re everything. We’re good and we’re bad. We’re messy, and we’re clean. And, and as soon as we accept that in ourselves and embrace that whole gamut of, of who we are as a person and accept and love even the messy parts of ourselves, the sooner we can show compassion for ourselves.

It opens up a, it opens up a dialogue, it opens up a healing when you can say from your heart, Hey, this is where I am and I’m just gonna accept it. I’m not gonna label it. I’m not weak, I’m not strong, I’m not fat. I’m not skinny.

it’s not to beat yourself up, it’s just to accept, hey, this is human nature. Like our brains try to make everything simple, that our brains are constantly trying to protect us and make sure we can get to. Fastest answer and the easiest possibility, but that’s not always the best for our joy. Our best for our joy is to connect to what’s really happening and accept it. Just be there with it.

Calling on the Angels

Julie shares on how she calls on the Angles every day.

I say, please show me the highest expression of this day. And then something recently I’ve added. Thank you for the obstacles that have been presented. I release them. They no longer serve me. I learned from them. I had my lesson. Now I, I release that back because you’re right. It’s opportunities. It’s opportunities to grow, to grow and ascend. So just because something’s not perfect doesn’t mean it can’t be a perfect moment.

Conflict Decision Making Tree

Below is a chart that Julie shared with us regarding the Conflict Resolution Decision Tree. To learn more about how this works, check out her book – Life of Love or listen to the episode.

life-of-love-podcast-version-1Download

Connect with Julie Hilsen

The ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) with Raashi and Ansh

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The ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) with Raashi and Ansh – Love Vitamins for Relationships

A special episode this week to talk in depth with examples about our most recently published framework, the ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard). The ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) has the below 4 major components: 1️⃣ Identifying your emotion – reflect about the emotions being triggered and find a way to keep your partner in the loop 2️⃣ Nonverbal communication – to loop your partner in without the burden of sharing the details 3️⃣ Involving your partner – Don’t keep them in the dark and have them wondering what’s going on. If you don’t fill in the context for them, their mind will. They can’t read your mind. 4️⃣ Process the emotion – After digging deep into the triggers yourself, have a conversation with your partner to discuss it. Partners – hold the space for each other while the other goes through the cycle of the ESD. Say “I am angry” instead of “you did something to make me angry”. It is the individual's responsibility to understand and manage their own emotions. Even though your partner’s actions might have triggered the emotions in you, it is not their fault. We use the ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) as a way to identify the emotion being triggered, share it with our partner and then hold a space to move forward with it without being defensive or assigning blame. How do you communicate with your partners when emotions get heightened? Do you have a framework or a process where you are intentional to build a healthier relationship? Or do you just “wing it”? Let us know in the comments below. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/lovitalovevitamins/support

A special episode this week to talk in depth with examples about our most recently published framework, the ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard). Read more to about the framework to learn the concept and the reason behind it.

The ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) has the below 4 major components

1️⃣ Identifying your emotion – reflect about the emotions being triggered and find a way to keep your partner in the loop

2️⃣ Nonverbal communication – to loop your partner in without the burden of sharing the details 

3️⃣ Involving your partner – Don’t keep them in the dark and have them wondering what’s going on. If you don’t fill in the context for them, their mind will. They can’t read your mind.

4️⃣ Process the emotion – After digging deep into the triggers yourself, have a conversation with your partner to discuss it.

Partners – hold the space for each other while the other goes through the cycle of the ESD.

Say “I am angry” instead of “you did something to make me angry”. It is the individual’s responsibility to understand and manage their own emotions. Even though your partner’s actions might have triggered the emotions in you, it is not their fault.

We use the ESD (Emotional Status Dashboard) as a way to identify the emotion being triggered, share it with our partner and then hold a space to move forward with it without being defensive or assigning blame.

How do you communicate with your partners when emotions get heightened? Do you have a framework or a process where you are intentional to build a healthier relationship? Or do you just “wing it”? Let us know in the comments below.

Check out our Social Media channels for some fun comic strips of how the ESD can be used