Love

Love vs Intimacy (Into-me-see) for Partners with Francesca and Stan Levine

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Love vs Intimacy (Into-me-see) for Partners with Francesca and Stan Levine – Love Vitamins for Life

Francesca and Stan Levine have decades of experience practicing counseling, so we were curious to explore what it is that makes them and their relationship special. Stan jokes that "with my white hair and the wrinkles, it makes a big impression because that indicates to them experience, which clearly there is and sometimes they believe I'm wise and I'm not sure about that, but they seem to think so and it gets through. So it works." To which Francesca adds that he is wise as he's learned everything from his wife. But what really attracts people to them, Francesca says, is that, "They see us in the waiting room. We can't pass each other without a hug and a kiss. Right. And this is true and it's just, it's fleeting, but it makes a very lasting impression. You know, we are very connected." She says, "You know, ours, I believe is a very romantic and true story. We could put it up in Hollywood and people will say, this isn't real, but it is. So it's who we are. That makes, I believe." Stan agrees and she continues, "It's who we are. That makes a difference. So even in the momentary passing or when we are teaching, cuz you know there are weekend workshops and things. It's the energy between us. It's not what you say, it's how people feel. That's what they remember. And I think the, the, the love and joy and fun we have, so lots of, we can laugh over a lot of things, right? And I think after so many years that there's still fun, joy, and love and hot sex. Hey, what else do you want? Good food. We don't even have to leave the house." to which Stan agrees. Takeaways 1️⃣ Love is contagious. When you are in love and have a healthy relationship with your partner, you'll pour out the love to people around you. As Francesca said, "It's not what you say, it's how people feel. That's what they remember." 2️⃣ Love and intimacy have similarities but are different. Love is more encompassing, and intimacy is a way how you would show up in the relationship. 3️⃣ Working on your relationship is not hard work. it doesn't have to be. It can be the easiest thing in the world. With time and consistency, using different frameworks and exercises that work for your relationship, you can build it into a healthier one. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Francesca and Stan Levine Website: relationshiprescueinstitute.com.au Facebook: relationshiprescueinstitute

Francesca (left) and Stan (right) Levine are relationship practitioners in Australia with over 58 years of combined experience as a Psychologist and a Counsellor respectively. They have been married for 55 years and have been referred to as Relationship Masters, voted in the top 3 relationship practitioners in Melbourne.

This is the first half of our conversation with them we talk about what makes their relationship special and did a dive into love vs intimacy and much more. Seems like we’ve been intimate with intimacy since our our latest framework on Intimacy = into-me-see. The second half our conversation includes a fun exercise called Cherishment which will be available next week.

Their story

Francesca and Stan met on a blind date. She had never been on one before. Stan was recommended by a friend to Francesca because she’d just broken up with her fiancé at the age of 19. Anyway. Francesca recalls, “when he came over, it was love at first start from me. I just looked at him and thought, oh my God.” After more than a year, they got married during which Francesca passed out cause she was hungry and bored in a big 400 plus people event which she didn’t really want. She jokes that “He nearly passed out when he saw me cuz he thought I looked so beautiful.”

Before they started working together, Stan worked as a lawyer and Francesca worked first as a high school teacher. During which time they had 2 kids. After that she started an import/export business which ended with an unfortunate accident where she lost her mother. Francesca spent a year in massive depression and by the end of that period, she had become an expert in depression having been through it. Later she graduated with an honors in psychology.

After over 30 years of being together – while she was training for another degree in Psychology, Stan accompanied Francesca for a couple’s workshop for around 3 times in a year and get trained as an educator in the Imago Therapy practice. This is when they started working together on the Relationship Rescue Institute of Australia.

What attracts couples to them for relationship advice?

Apart from having decades of experience practicing counseling, we were curious as to what is it that makes them and their relationship special. Stan jokes that “with my white hair and the wrinkles, it makes a big impression because that indicates to them experience, which clearly there is and sometimes they believe I’m wise and I’m not sure about that, but they seem to think so and it gets through. So it works.” To which Francesca adds that he is wise as he’s learned everything from his wife. But what really attracts people to them, Francesca says, is that, “They see us in the waiting room. We can’t pass each other without a hug and a kiss. Right. And this is true and it’s just, it’s fleeting, but it makes a very lasting impression. You know, we are very connected.” She says, “You know, ours, I believe is a very romantic and true story. We could put it up in Hollywood and people will say, this isn’t real, but it is. So it’s who we are. That makes, I believe.” Stan agrees and she continues, “It’s who we are. That makes a difference. So even in the momentary passing or when we are teaching, cuz you know there are weekend workshops and things. It’s the energy between us. It’s not what you say, it’s how people feel. That’s what they remember. And I think the, the, the love and joy and fun we have, so lots of, we can laugh over a lot of things, right? And I think after so many years that there’s still fun, joy, and love and hot sex. Hey, what else do you want? Good food. We don’t even have to leave the house.” to which Stan agrees.

Difference between love and intimacy

Stan says that he believes that “Love is all encompassing”. He adds, “there’s all different ways you show love and, and when you show love. It’s important that you show love to the other person and the way they need to receive it. Because as you would know, everybody’s got different love language.”

Francesca translates intimacy as Into-me-see. She believes that, “in order to be loving, you have to do it in an intimate way, which means how you show up without boundaries. And I mean, there are boundaries that are appropriate.” She says, that intimacy’s about removing blocks and then “the intimacy, the love flows because intimacy’s from the inside unfettered. It’s who you are. It’s how you show up. Well, isn’t that what love is?”

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. — Rumi

After mentioning the kinds of intimacies – mental, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual – she adds “intimacy is those levels that the different ones of how you express yourself. I think love is the flavor.” Stan adds, “I see intimacy as exposure of yourself. Yeah. You are exposing yourself, and then not everybody’s prepared to do that.”

She continues, “There are lots of couples who start off in an intimate, loving relationship about the in love stage. Passes, and then they think they’re done instead of realizing that’s where the real relationship begins. So if you do the work required to deepen, then you have more romance. Otherwise a lot of couples break up or they just have a kind, you know, co-share relationship. And plenty of people do that.”

We continue on the discussions and peel many more layers of intimacy and how working on your relations is actually pretty easy. Listen to the full episode to enjoy the conversation.

Takeaways

  1. Love is contagious. When you are in love and have a healthy relationship with your partner, you’ll pour out the love to people around you. As Francesca said, “It’s not what you say, it’s how people feel. That’s what they remember.”
  2. Love and intimacy have similarities but are different. Love is more encompassing, and intimacy is a way how you would show up in the relationship.
  3. Working on your relationship is not hard work. it doesn’t have to be. It can be the easiest thing in the world. With time and consistency, using different frameworks and exercises that work for your relationship, you can build it into a healthier one.

Connect with Francesca and Stan Levine

An intimate relationship is like a mirror – with Zach Beach

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An intimate relationship is like a mirror – with Zach Beach – Love Vitamins for Life

“The best thing that you can do for your partner is work on yourself. The best thing that your partner can do for you is work on themselves.” “Intimate relationships can mirror both of our own stuff that we get to work through, but also reflecting back the goodness that we are.” “The stars had written a message for you when you were born, and it's up to you to discover what that is. And what I mean by that is life has a natural, beautiful unfolding that is happening, and it's like a flow of a river.” These are just some of the few quotes Zach shared with us in our conversations. We talk about many topics – Value of Intimate Relationships, Identifying Emotions passing through you, Digging deep within yourself to identify patterns of pain and suffering, and much more. — Here are some of our takeaways from the episode: 1️⃣ Extend your love to others with compassion. When someone shares with you OR you share with someone deeply vulnerable things , it opens the heart for compassion. 2️⃣ LOVE has the power to heal us. Work on building an intimate relationship and use the love from that relationship to work on your own stuff that comes up in a relationship and your own growth. 3️⃣ The best thing you can do for your partner is to work on yourself. The best thing that your partner can do for you is to work on themselves. — If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Zach Beach Website: zachbeach.com Instagram: @zachbeachlove Facebook: @zachbeachlove Book: The Seven Lessons of Love Podcast: LEARN to LOVE

Zach Beach, MA, is committed to building a world based on unconditional love and connection. He does that as an relationship coach, yoga and meditation teacher, poet writer, podcast host, and as the founder of The Heart Center love school.

Best-selling author of The Seven Lessons of Love and three poetry collections, Zach regularly leads transformational retreats, workshops, and teacher trainings around the world.

4 Brahma-Viharas or 4 Noble Qualities

Zach shares one of the best conceptualizations that he’s had for love comes from Buddhist psychology, know as the 4 Brahma Viharas

  1. Loving kindness
  2. Compassion
  3. Sympathetic joy
  4. Equanimity

He adds, “they all stem from a very basic idea that love is a genuine concern for another person’s wellbeing. It doesn’t require anything in return. It’s not a conditional love. It’s an unconditional love that we can extend to all people. And I think that. Understanding is just a really nice foundation that allows us to express our love to people that we might not be in an intimate partnership with.”

Value of Relationships

Zach shares, how in today’s individualistic world, there is a very strong habit of blaming societal failures on individual people. This causes a lot of us to be tempted to think that there are things that we need to do by ourselves, on our own to solve our own problems. He adds, “We grew in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we will be healed in relationship. And we all need to be seen and recognized and understood and loved for who we are and to feel a sense of belonging and connection. So I have a huge, Belief that the most and best container for our own healing and growth is relationship, and particularly an intimate relationship.”

He says, that an intimate relationship is like a lovely mirror that helps us heal and grow, from the stuff that continues to come up in relationships – “Intimate relationships can be mirrors both of our own stuff, that we get to work through, but also reflecting back the goodness that we are.”

The best thing that you can do for, for your partner is work on yourself. The best thing that your partner can do for you is work on themselves.

Yoga – Emotions are passing through

Zach defines yoga as a practice where every day you get to set the intention to open the heart, to clear the mind, and to be present in this body. Listen to the full episode for more on how you can let emotions pass through your body with Yoga and what Zach says about how you can find the mysteries of your own heart.

Digging deep within yourself – Identifying patterns of pain and suffering

Zach shares about how when people are not living in line with their purpose, they are “doing two things. One, they’re holding on for dear life at the banks of the river, or two, they’re swimming upstream.” He adds, “The stars had written a message for you when you were born, and it’s up to you to discover what that is. And what I mean by that is life has a natural, beautiful unfolding that is happening, and it’s like a flow of a river.”

The people swimming up the stream are the ones who need to reorient themselves. Really be mindful about – is this serving me or is this not? When you find the answer is “no”, then you go for a walk in nature and figure out that – okay, this is helping me. Zach emphasizes on this – path of from disease to ease, from effort to comfortability. And then when you finally turn around and you let the river take you, life just unfolds before you with no effort at all.

Now he mentions this might work for some but not for others. So the other way is to look deep into the nature of suffering. What is it that is causing you pain and asking yourself if it is the external world or the internal? This is something that happens all the time in relationships where we get the much wonderful fertile growth and challenges to look at and to see where it is that we are most attached

Connect with Zach Beach

Tell your partner today – THEY COME FIRST with Jerry Dugan

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Creating a powerful group dynamic with a Courage Circle with Sandy Stream – Love Vitamins for Life

In this captivating conversation with Sandy Stream, we've explored the transformative power of self-love and respectful listening. Her journey from seeking inner peace to facilitating courage circles highlights the profound impact of creating safe spaces for authentic expression and connection. By embarking on our own self-discovery journeys and embracing respectful relationships, we can cultivate a world where love flows freely, nurturing the growth of both individuals and communities. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with someone you love. Small doses over time is how you grow the love. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for Life is a community that believes love is a daily act and Love Vitamins are how we strengthen the love. Each individual brings a story, perspective and practice on how to learn, play, and grow in love. We share stories on how love shows up in your life in a digestible format. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 ⁠LoVita Blog⁠ for Frameworks, Love Doses and more Sign up for our monthly ⁠Newsletter⁠ for exclusive content We're also on Social media – ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠Facebook⁠, TikTok Connect with our Guests Website: thecouragecircle.com Telegram: TheCourageCircle Book: The Courage Circle

Jerry Dugan is the CEO and Senior Consultant of BtR Impact, LLC, a consulting and training company focused on helping leaders define success on their terms so they can live fulfilled, meaningful lives with impact and not lose their faith, their families, or their health. His work experience includes serving in the U.S. Army as a combat medic, corporate training facilitator, and organizational development leader. Jerry is also the the host and producer of Beyond the Rut podcast and currently lives in Dallas, Texas, enjoying the empty nester life with his wife Olivia. They have two adult children, three cats, a dog, and no car loans!

Try these 3 steps before entering home after your day from work

Jerry shared with us their habit or ritual that he and his wife had had worked over the years to keep their love intentional and alive in their relationship. Listen to the full episode for the full explanation but we broke it down to the three steps below.

1️⃣ Recharge or regroup yourself – Put yourself in the right frame of mind before you enter into the door and meet your partner and/or family

2️⃣ Prioritize your partner – Take some time out to catch up on the day with your partner before you do anything else

3️⃣ Be present and engaged – Be there for each other

In the first steps, Jerry says, that after getting home, he would sit in the car for a few minutes just to zone out and, just get it out of his system that work is done. He would think about about going into the house and visualize a little bit of what did he want that night to look like. What kind of engagements with my kids, with my wife did he want.

In the second step, once he walked in that door, he and Olivia would go to their room and closed the door. It we established with the kids that they’re gonna have about 20 minutes of just mommy and daddy time. What happened in that 20 minutes behind closed doors you ask? They talked – COMMUNICATED!! One of the most important things to maintain a healthy relationship. It sends such a strong message to your partner that you come first before anything else.

The last step, is to be there, to be present and engage with each other so that they can tackle the rest of the night together.

Priorities in your relationship – Your partner comes first

Since Jerry had been in his relationship for a couple decades, we asked Jerry for some advice for people new into relationships and marriages. He gave us some more compelling reasons why we should put our relationship with our partner first before our children and extended friends and family. For their family with a Christian faith he says, “we put God first and then we put each other second, and then we would put our kids third.” He adds that if you could just replace the first part with your faith but the main point was that the relationship between him and his wife would have precedent over our relationship with their kids, extended family, friends and co-workers.

Listen to the full recording of the episode to learn more about the rational behind this priority. In their childhood, both Olivia and Jerry, had experienced divorces and separations of adults around them and they wanted to make sure to build healthy practices in their relationship from the get go. He adds that he wanted to make sure that she’s gonna be like – “all right, yeah, I choose him again for another day.” This speaks volumes about their level of commitment towards each other.

In terms of parenting he adds, “people like to say, we put the kids first, and, it sounds great, it sounds noble, and it may feel like that’s where you need to put your effort. And for us to put ourselves ahead of the kids, was our long-term strategy because we knew that at some point our oldest was gonna turn 18 and leave. And then our daughter was just a couple years behind her. And she was gonna go off and do her own thing. And so we’re like, okay, so if we do the math, we got maybe 20 years before we’re empty nesters and I want to know the person I’m empty nesting with and, and not be a total stranger.”

Divorces amongst empty nesters is high. We’ve previously shared this as well that – Among U.S. adults ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has roughly doubled since the 1990s.

By connecting every single day, Jerry and Olivia are in a healthy space to co-parent their kids. Jerry adds, “If there was one thing our kids could tell everybody, without us coaching them to say it is that they can never split us up and make mom and dad work against each other. Like we were always on the same page.” They set great examples for their kids demonstration the value of building a healthier relationship with their partner and showing them that they are a strong team together. Its like putting the practical application living by example, rather than preaching to the kids.

Takeaways

Let’s bandage the takeaways for todays episode on why we should prioritize our partners our relationships with them before some of the other relationships

  1. Before you interact with your partner – take a moment for yourself. Recharge and regroup to put yourself in the right frame of mind
  2. Prioritize your relationship with your partner – Take time to catch up on the day. Work on your relationship so that your partner chooses YOU every single day.
  3. Teach your kids by example, that you and your partner are a strong team together.

Connect with Jerry

A successful sale is a Relationship with Joe Rockey

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A successful sale is a Relationship with Joe Rockey – Love Vitamins for Life

"I truly believe that salespeople will heal the world. And the reason is for the same reason that this podcast here exists. A successful sale is a relationship." Joe shares in this episode. He shares 4 things to make you better in every capacity 1️⃣ Prudence – Having knowledge and passion about a specific topic 2️⃣ Justice – Wanting to be with you on a relationship level for your merit 3️⃣ Courage – Figure out a way to get out something boils inside of you 4️⃣ Humility – Balance. Humility is neither I am the greatest and most important person on this planet, nor am I small and insignificant. It's truly that balance. Takeaways Best thing you can do for your relationship or to work towards a healthier relationship is work on making yourself better. Sometimes getting closure in a relationship is more important for peace of mind. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, TikTok All above links in a single page Connect with Joe Rockey Website – http://elitebusinessconversations.com/ Facebook – joe.rockey.50 LinkedIn – joerockey

Joe Rockey works on Elite Business Conversations helping salespeople and companies get over the humps that they’re at, whether it be a business that has served to stall out and it needs help to get over or just salespeople that want to take their game to the next level.

“I truly believe that salespeople will heal the world. And the reason is for the same reason that this podcast here exists. A successful sale is a relationship.” Joe says “And so much of this industry is tied up with mindsets of generations ago, of putting on high pressure, making people feel bad if they don’t buy from you, et cetera, et cetera. And that’s the exact opposite of what I teach and what, how I help people. Really get their businesses back. Teach your salespeople to build in relationships based sales, and everything really takes off to the next level. You know, most people in studies will show this, would rather buy from someone that they know and have a relationship with than buy online just through anonymous clicks.”

4 things to make you better in every capacity

  1. Prudence – Having knowledge and passion about a specific topic
  2. Justice – Wanting to be with you on a relationship level for your merit
  3. Courage – Figure out a way to get out something boils inside of you
  4. Humility – Balance. Humility is neither I am the greatest and most important person on this planet, nor am I small and insignificant. It’s truly that balance.

Advice on building a healthier Relationship

Joe says “identify some relationship that you have or had that isn’t where you want it to be right now.” He continues, “think about that relationship and figure out why it isn’t what it’s, and in general, there’s one of two reasons.”

  1. Big blow up explosion
  2. Gradually time eroded

Here’s what you do next – Take out your phone, dial the 10 numbers and press that little green button to call them.

Joe says, “And what you’ll find as you go through that process, which may take more than one phone call, is that this anchor that had been pulling you back and taking you down the spots that you didn’t even know you were at will be lifted and the rest of your mind will become free in ways that you didn’t even know that this was blocking up things. It’s really a way to do the old school defrag on a hard drive, but to your relationship and your brain.”

Takeaways

  1. Best thing you can do for your relationship or to work towards a healthier relationship is work on making yourself better.
  2. Sometimes getting closure in a relationship is more important for peace of mind.

Connect with Joe

Relationship Repair

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Relationship Repair – Love Vitamins for Life

Most conflicts follow some variation of this Conflict Resolution Curve:  🆕 Inception – The moment a conflict is registered 🌶️ Getting Hot – The in-between space 💣 Big Bang – The climactic moment of the conflict 🧊 Cool Down – The period after our conflict reaches a “resolution” 🆕 New Normal – How life will be after this conflict BUT WAIT!! There’s one step that we often miss after a New Normal has been established. 🪡 Relationship Repair – Building goodwill back into the relationship Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It's probably that you're not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created. Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship. Listen to the full episode to learn more. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Kimberly Hill Website: http://www.kimberlyninahill.com Instagram: @kimberlyninahill Podcast: The Self Confidence Project

Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It’s probably that you’re not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created.

Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship.

I also work really hard on my relationship on repairing conflict, so conflict happens. We can’t avoid it all the time. We have two people with two childhoods and two different sets of beliefs. We’re gonna have a bad argument from time to time. What I work really hard on is repairing with my partner is making up for arguments, is making sure we do something after to create positivity back in our dynamic versus just like leaving these conflicts to fester. So resolution and repair is huge and has made a huge difference in my relationship

Read more about the different stages on Relationship Repair.

To reach out to Kimberly Hill, use the resources below.

Relationship Repair with Kimberly Hill

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Relationship Repair – Love Vitamins for Life

Most conflicts follow some variation of this Conflict Resolution Curve:  🆕 Inception – The moment a conflict is registered 🌶️ Getting Hot – The in-between space 💣 Big Bang – The climactic moment of the conflict 🧊 Cool Down – The period after our conflict reaches a “resolution” 🆕 New Normal – How life will be after this conflict BUT WAIT!! There’s one step that we often miss after a New Normal has been established. 🪡 Relationship Repair – Building goodwill back into the relationship Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It's probably that you're not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created. Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship. Listen to the full episode to learn more. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Kimberly Hill Website: http://www.kimberlyninahill.com Instagram: @kimberlyninahill Podcast: The Self Confidence Project

Every relationship has conflict. And if you say that you and your partner are an amazing team and NEVER argue, who are you kidding. It’s probably that you’re not looking properly or maybe just ignore the emotions that arise in a conflict. What often tends to happen is that once a conflict has been resolved, people “move on” with their lives but rarely do we go back and look into repairing any damage that the conflict might have created.

Kimberly Hill, our guest on the show, shares what she does to build a healthier relationship.

I also work really hard on my relationship on repairing conflict, so conflict happens. We can’t avoid it all the time. We have two people with two childhoods and two different sets of beliefs. We’re gonna have a bad argument from time to time. What I work really hard on is repairing with my partner is making up for arguments, is making sure we do something after to create positivity back in our dynamic versus just like leaving these conflicts to fester. So resolution and repair is huge and has made a huge difference in my relationship

Read more about the different stages on Relationship Repair.

To reach out to Kimberly Hill, use the resources below.

Starting from a place of Resource with Julie Hilsen

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Starting from a place of Resource with Julie Hilsen – Love Vitamins for Life

Julie shares with us how she sends out energy to her Angels through a wish or a prayer or whatever term people might prefer to use in their own comfort. The idea being that you're not using directive action to ask for something. You're more of sending out this energy and this request to the things that you don’t have a lot of control over. Some other things we talk about in the episode 1️⃣ Importance of Self Discovery 2️⃣ Looking at Polarity 3️⃣Conflict Decision Making Tree Sometimes we don't have the healthiest ways to deal with conflicts. This framework can really benefit making conflicts easier. Here’s how it works. 1️⃣ Take a deep breath and ask yourself, can you think of one nice thing about your partner? 2️⃣ Can you say what really made you upset? 3️⃣ Can you honestly say what you need at this moment? 4️⃣ Can you honestly say what you need at this moment. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Julie Hilsen Website: https://www.youneedapeptalk.com Instagram: jhilsen Facebook: jhilsen Book: Life of Love

Julie Hilsen is a spiritual activator who has written the book, Life of Love a Joyful Guide to Self and Sensuality. She is delighted to share how the everyday person in everyday life can reach a higher state of happiness through self-discovery and the simple task of asking. Her approachable book details how to call in your angels and guides as a supplement and to accelerate your ability to live a life of love. 

Importance of Self Discovery

If you don’t understand why you need what you need or what is it that you’re asking for, it’s very hard for you to communicate that information. A lot of the times we come into a relationship just hoping that a person’s gonna be able to pick up the pattern or really help us do that hard work. Philosophically and logically, we do get that it’s something that we have to own. Consistently we come to a relationship because we’re so intimately tied, expecting our partner to be able to help pick up the slack and be like, “oh, you should know this by now.” “I always get angry when you do X, Y, and Z.” Well, okay, have you spent any time really understanding why X, y, and Z makes you upset? That’s still your responsibility.

Julie shares how she understand the needs of herself and her husband to build a healthier relationship.

Once I owned that, that my husband, even though he loves me to the moon and back, can’t read my mind once I was able to realize he wasn’t a superhero. He’s a mere human. He’s Im mortal just like me. That, me giving him, Cold shoulder isn’t gonna teach him to love me more.

You have to show up how you want to be loved and, and you know, show by example. And you have to lovingly ask from a place of resource, because when you ask from a place of scarcity or you’re feeling lack, then your partner picks up on that. That angst and that that feeling of frustration. And it’s just a hard platform to start from.

Once you find your inner light and you own that, you do have an inner light, that you’re responsible for your inner light. And once you come to relationship on, on that basis, then you can go and and request from a place of resource and a place of giving because you can’t expect them to give you something that you aren’t able to recognize. Or ld appreciate

Looking at Polarity

One of the ways to get started, understanding ourselves better is to pay attention to the way we self-talk. A bit more kindness to ourselves because sometimes that’s an ingredient that’s incredibly lacking. Julie shares her thoughts about how people should look at polarity in their lives.

We cannot continue to exist in a world of absolutes. because that’s not, that’s not who we are. We’re everything. We’re good and we’re bad. We’re messy, and we’re clean. And, and as soon as we accept that in ourselves and embrace that whole gamut of, of who we are as a person and accept and love even the messy parts of ourselves, the sooner we can show compassion for ourselves.

It opens up a, it opens up a dialogue, it opens up a healing when you can say from your heart, Hey, this is where I am and I’m just gonna accept it. I’m not gonna label it. I’m not weak, I’m not strong, I’m not fat. I’m not skinny.

it’s not to beat yourself up, it’s just to accept, hey, this is human nature. Like our brains try to make everything simple, that our brains are constantly trying to protect us and make sure we can get to. Fastest answer and the easiest possibility, but that’s not always the best for our joy. Our best for our joy is to connect to what’s really happening and accept it. Just be there with it.

Calling on the Angels

Julie shares on how she calls on the Angles every day.

I say, please show me the highest expression of this day. And then something recently I’ve added. Thank you for the obstacles that have been presented. I release them. They no longer serve me. I learned from them. I had my lesson. Now I, I release that back because you’re right. It’s opportunities. It’s opportunities to grow, to grow and ascend. So just because something’s not perfect doesn’t mean it can’t be a perfect moment.

Conflict Decision Making Tree

Below is a chart that Julie shared with us regarding the Conflict Resolution Decision Tree. To learn more about how this works, check out her book – Life of Love or listen to the episode.

life-of-love-podcast-version-1Download

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2/2/2 Date Night Framework for Partners to Build a Healthier Relationship with Saami and Nathan Jaeger

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2/2/2 Date Night Framework for Partners to Build a Healthier Relationship with Saami and Nathan Jaeger – Love Vitamins for Life

Our conversation with Saami and Nathan Jaeger was filled with fun Activities, Practices and Rituals that Partners can take away and practice in your relationships to add fuel to your love Tanks. First they share about a Gratitude Practice that they use for MANAGING RESENTMENT. Then, we get into one of their rituals of 2 COFFEE AND A TREAT and I love it not just because it has 2 coffees in it but also a treat. At the end, we get into their practice of 2 x 2 x 2 DATE NIGHTS. The Framework of 2/2/2 Date Night, which they found on a Reddit feed sometime ago, adapted to their liking, is that Every 2️⃣  weeks we go on a date Every 2️⃣  months, we go on a weekend away Every 2️⃣  years (or twice a year), we'll go on a bigger adventure or a bigger holiday This is definitely another exercise that we are excited to try out in our relationship. Our cadence might change to different numbers but the idea remains the same. What do you think would be an ideal frequency for your date nights – 1/1/1 or 2/3/2 or something else? Let us know in the comments below Listen to the full episode to hear what they share about how this changed their relationship and got them out of their worst fight early on. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Sammi and Nathan Jaegar Website: https://dateforever.com.au/ Instagram: dateforever Podcast: Date Forever

Sammi & Nathan Jaeger are the Co-Host of The Date Forever Podcast. And they are on a mission to empower couples to create thriving relationships. Because with better relationships we can create a better world. Sammi & Nath fell in love as housemates and have now been married for over a decade and love sharing relationship insights from couples and experts on their show.

This is the second part of our conversation. If you haven’t listened to the first episode, you can check the episode on Let the air out of the balloon to prevent resentment. Our conversation with them was filled with fun Activities, Practices and Rituals that Partners, can take away and practice in your relationships to add fuel to your love Tanks. First they share about a Gratitude Practice that they use for MANAGING RESENTMENT. Then, we get into one of their rituals of 2 COFFEE AND A TREAT and I love it not just because it has 2 coffees in it but also a treat. At the end, we get into their practice of 2 x 2 x 2 DATE NIGHTS.

What comes first – Success or Happiness?

A big part of being happy in a relationship is managing resentment. Saami and Nathan share about how they implemented their Gratitude Practice. Before going into bed, they ask each other what are they grateful for today? Sammi shares “Sometimes gratitude flows thick and fast, other times it’s so easy to come by. But what that’s meant is that all day I’ve trained my brain to be looking for the things to be appreciative for the things that I’m grateful for. Like this glass of water on my desk, like I’m so grateful for that.”

This ritual of intentionally practicing gratitude does 2 things – It increases the good credit in your emotional bank account or as you refer to – is refueling your love tank for your relationships. The second, this is checking to make sure that all the parts are functioning as expected to do a “check” on the whole system.

2 Coffee and a Treat

One of the ritual that they have is something they practice pretty much every week. Nathan says “We would go for two coffees and a treat. So we would go, and find a new cafe around the place, have a coffee each and then have something, little to share, share a little treat.” With a practice that costs less than 20 AUD, it creates new shared experiences for them. Nathan adds on what they noticed as an effect to this practice, “the conversations that we have when we’re outside of our own home, when we’re actually out somewhere together are so different than when you are in your home together.” At home there are many distractions like the dog, doing household chores, the Television, and much more that can slowly chip away at your attention and the quality time with your partner. Whereas when you go somewhere new, you senses are activated to up different cues from your surroundings. The environment around you is what often prompts conversation, and a new one. This is what they were noticing as well. “The conversations and the deepness, I guess that level of connection that we were having when we were out somewhere else was so much better than when we were in our home, even if we were doing the same activity”, adds Nathan. This ritual which involves Coffee and Treats sounds like such a fun idea, something that we will definitely be trying out ourselves.

Looking each other in the eyes when sharing a drink

Another activity that they shared with us was about a really intentional practice of looking each other in the eyes when sharing a drink. They learnt this apparently from some Airbnb guests, a Korean couple who stayed with them around four years ago. They though this practice was just beautiful and implemented it into their life as well. It just adds that additional layer of a silent – I love you, I appreciate being able to share this moment of eye contact with you. Such a beautiful, free, enhancing way to add to something something that we already do, which is drink. Nathan adds how this is kind of PDA (Public Display of Affection) without any PDA, “No one else will probably even realize what you’re doing. If you’re out at a restaurant or a cafe, it’s just that micro moment of connection.”

2/2/2 Date Nights

This Framework, which they found on a Reddit feed sometime ago and adapted to their liking, is that

  • Every 2 weeks we go on a date
  • Every 2 months, we go on a weekend away
  • Every 2 years (or twice a year), we’ll go on a bigger adventure or a bigger holiday

This Framework, they share, “really just helped us kind of set that benchmark or that baseline for our romantic relationship, and really just helped us to actually find the time to prioritize it.” Previously they had a very ad-hoc approach to what they were doing. Date nights were unstructured and not very intentional as the weekend would roll around and they wouldn’t have a clue as to what to do.

They talk about how this need to have some structure around Date Nights was one of the challenges they had to face early in their relationship. The fact that only 1 of them was planning and organizing most of their relationship and social activities got overwhelming at some point leading to a really big fight, probably their worst.

Now they divide the month into two half and plan their date nights for their halves. Sammi explains some of the many benefits, they found when doing it this way – “we get the opportunity to both give and receive. We both get the opportunity to create a moment or an experience, something that I really wanna do and Nate’s just now invited to come along with me or something that I know that he will really love. We both get those opportunities now. And it’s a framework that it’s allowed us to have some predictability, rhythm, heartbeat, pattern around its priority. You’re a very important part of my life and I treat it that way. I treat you that way.”

A lot of people could benefit from just a little bit of structure to set them free to plan things, like they said, to give and receive that love and it’s all about creating opportunities for connection. A framework like this takes something we do anyways, plan things for each other and just puts a little bit of structure around it.

This is definitely another exercise that we are excited to try out in our relationship. Our cadence might change to different numbers but the idea remains the same. What do you think would be an ideal frequency for your date nights – 1/1/1 or 2/3/2 or something else? Let us know in the comments below

Fuel Collective

Saami and Nathan share their story about how they started working on the 8 different tanks. Listen to the episode or check the resources below to learn more about the types of tanks and the full story.

The 8 different tanks are

  • Self
  • Romantic Relationship
  • Relationships & Network
  • Humming Household
  • Career & Business
  • Wealth & Lifestyle
  • The World
  • The Future

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Let the air out of the balloon to prevent resentment in relationships with Sammi and Nathan Jaeger

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Let the air out of the balloon to prevent resentment in relationships with Sammi and Nathan Jaeger – Love Vitamins for Life

We chat with Sammi & Nathan Jaeger, Co-Hosts of The Date Forever Podcast about how to increase the positive or the goodwill in your relationship to help you counteract the negative or the deficit that we tend to collect in our relationships. Saami and Nathan were around 23 and 24 when they got married in December 2012. And they've been together now for about 15 years, just celebrated their 10th Wedding Anniversary. Congratulations! At LoVita, we're always curious as to why people get married. Everyone has their own reasons, and we really wanted to know why they decided to make that step after 5 years of being together in their relationship. Sammi mentioned that's something she had struggled with herself in the beginning and shares their wonderful story of how she ended up eventually taking the name Jaeger. Bonus – an exercise to keep fueling their love tank. They had so many things to share. One of the first things they talked about, which I loved, is how they phrased it "let air out of the balloon". It's a weekly check-in conversation to help prevent resentment in their relationship. On what they do to build a healthier relationship, Sammi starts with saying they put goodwill into our relationship all day, every day. Listen to the episode for more. If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship or anyone else who would enjoy listening to this as well. If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Sammi and Nathan Jaeger Website: https://dateforever.com.au/ Instagram: dateforever Podcast: Date Forever

Sammi & Nathan Jaeger are the Co-Host of The Date Forever Podcast. And they are on a mission to empower couples to create thriving relationships. Because with better relationships we can create a better world. Sammi & Nath fell in love as housemates and have now been married for over a decade and love sharing relationship insights from couples and experts on their show.

Why they got married

Saami and Nathan were around 23 and 24 when they got married in December 2012. And the’ve been together now for about 15 years, just celebrated their 10th Wedding Anniversary. Congratulations! At LoVita, we’re always curious as to why people get married. Everyone has their own reasons, and I really wanted to know why they decided to make that step after 5 years of being together in their relationship. Sammi mentioned that’s something she had struggled with herself in the beginning and shares their wonderful story of how she ended up eventually taking the name Jaeger.

I really love that you’ve asked this because I did not wanna get married. I didn’t really believe in the institution of marriage. I didn’t really understand why anyone would wanna involve the government in their relationship. , I didn’t really, put a lot of value on having the piece of paper. And at the time, like I was like 20 when I had those, Opinions, thoughts, beliefs, values, and there are a few things that really changed my mind. Like my, for reference, my parents were together for quite a long time, like 20 years, but they never got married. So I have a different last name than my brother, despite us having the same biological parents. My parents, my, my mom was quite fiercely independent. She. Had me at 21. She worked in a very heavily male dominated field and a lot of my resistance to marriage was like from a feminist point of view of like, I do not want a man to feel in in any way that he owns me. I want to have an adult relationship where we both agree. Mm-hmm. , and I’m not exactly. . There wasn’t one thing, there wasn’t one thing for me that changed the idea, but a part, a big part of it was that it was important to Nathan. And I was really challenging his view of the world by saying, no, I, that’s not something I want to do.

Nathan adds that one of the biggest real benefits that they saw was of creating that family together and creating a milestone moment creating their family together which gives a feeling of “this is us,” co-creating something new together, rather than having a level of separation while they weren’t married. Saami adds on to that

but it was interesting for me cuz I kind of went through that evolution of like, no, I don’t wanna do that. Hold on. I’ve met somebody and it’s really important to them and it’s how they see the progression of a relationship. And then it was like, okay, I’ll get married, but I’m not changing my name. Like, no, that’s. , I’m keeping it. And then in the time that we got engaged, I really wanted us to be united front. I had connected with this idea, like Nathan saying about being one nurse and creating our family. Mm-hmm. . Because I believe that, a couple can be a family without the dogs, without the kids. Nathan and I are family. Yeah. but there was, this sounds so corny, but I saw on Pinterest. Someone had set up a photo gallery in their home and right in the center of it was their last name, and it was surrounded by all of these beautiful family photos. And I just thought, gosh, I want that. I want Nathan and I to run out onto the field with the same GK ons. And he had a cooler last name than me,

They also mentioned that they had even considered a separate last name. Although, things turned out differently at the end, their relationship is a true testament of holding the space to be able to go through all of those layers of change. Initially they had very different ideas of what it meant to get married, but by the time it actually came around to the special day, their ideas had changed. And the fact that both of them approached those conversations with this sense of togetherness, is such a valuable concept that many relationships kind of find themselves struggling with.

Challenges

Nathan talks about how they didn’t really consciously work on solving disagreements early on in their relationship. They had some pretty bad fights but their willingness to work things out keeps them in this relationship where they can date forever.

probably the first 12 months or two years of our relationship, I feel like that we were very much scoping each other out and working out each other’s boundaries and, and a lot of those sorts of things. And so we did have a lot of arguments or disagreements or like real deep conversations kind of in that, in that early stage of our relationship. And then I think once. We kind of got over those initial hurdles of, of yeah. Feeling each other out and, and working out how we can actually work together and co-create together.

Sammi adds on how they got to a point where they figured out that this pattern wasn’t really suitable for a long-term relationships and spending their life together.

Nathan and I were like already in love when we got together because we’d been living together for a year as housemates. So I think a lot of the teething issues that people go through, we had sort of done that as friends, so we like our, our real honeymoon. The, oh my gosh, this is all really brand new kind of stage was probably kind of short. Really? Yeah. And then we entered like a power struggle sort of phase for what, what I now know is like this sort of power struggle phase. And then we went into a don’t rock the boat phase. Like, he’s so great. He’s so amazing. I don’t wanna lose him, therefore I’m not gonna. call him out on that thing that I didn’t like and I’m just gonna ignore that need that, oh, it doesn’t really matter. And then somewhere from there we fig, we started to figure out that that was not a long-term sustainable way to be doing our life together.

Weekly Check-in Conversation

We wanted to learn some exercises or practices that they use to keep fueling their love tank. They had so many things to share on this. One of the first things they talk, which I loved how they phrased it “let air out of the balloon”. It’s a weekly check-in conversation to help prevent resentment in their relationship. On what they do to build a healthier relationship, Sammi starts with saying they put goodwill into our relationship all day, every day

And that’s not to say that we don’t ever make withdrawals from that, but we’re having a really good conversation a couple of weeks ago about what are some of the things that we do to prevent resentment in our relationship. We have a weekly check-in conversation every week where we ask, is there something that you want me to apologize for? , is there something that I’ve done that maybe in the heat of the moment it wasn’t right to talk about or it was so it felt insignificant at the time, but then when you reflected on it, it did actually hurt and there was something, something that might build resentment there. So we’ve got this weekly opportunity to like let air out of the balloon.

Nathan adds on how their practice is makes it much easier to break free of patterns that are not healthy, while not building resentment from their partner’s side as well.

So rather than like, yeah, the same thing potentially occurring like week after week after week. yeah, it is turning into a much bigger kind of repeat behavior type of thing. this, this. Question that we do weekly does really give the opportunity to, yeah, air any of that dirty laundry or air, anything that you might have been hanging onto for a little while, and chatted out before it actually becomes a big thing. And I think that helps from both sides as well, because like if I’ve done something to upset Sammy, and it’s something that. Integrated or that I’ve been doing for quite some time, like it’s probably a habit that I’ve actually trained myself to be doing, which then becomes a lot more difficult for me to then try and undo when Sammy does finally bring it up. And also on her side, it’s been building this resentment over time because it’s been this long-term repeat behavior. Whereas if, if you’re able to see the behavior once or twice or whatever, and then have the conversation. . It’s not something that’s embedded into my behaviors or habits or anything like that

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Be the YOU, your partner fell in love with Liam Naden

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Be the YOU, your partner fell in love with Liam Naden – Love Vitamins for Life

In this episode with Liam Naden, a relationships and marriage coach. He talks a lot about the responsibility that we have as individuals to do the, “I” work to make the, “we” work. It gives us the understanding of what is an individual's responsibility for the common components that make something like a relationship or a marriage successful. It also brings a lot of empowerment and responsibility and accountability for what we can actually do to build the relationships that bring us joy back into our hands and makes us feel like we truly are individual agents that are capable of change and leading a life that makes us happy. Some other topics we discuss How do you identify if a relationship is great or not? Shifting the focus from the "We" to the "I" Counseling or Un-counseling What can individuals do to be more attractive? “Then what?” Exercise If you enjoyed listening to this episode (or the podcast), please share your diagnosis with 1 close relationship and ask them . If you would like to share your story, fill out this quick form. The best gift you can give us is positive feedback and your observations. Follow us wherever you are listening and do us a favor by adding a Review on Apple Podcast. LoVita – Love Vitamins for a healthier is a community by Partners for Partners. We share stories about how Partners are working intentionally towards building a healthier relationship. To learn more check out the links below 🔗 LoVita Blog for Frameworks Sign up for our monthly Newsletter for exclusive content We're also on Social media – Instagram, Facebook, All above links in a single page Connect with Liam Naden Website: https://liamnaden.com/ Book: Marriage Uncounseling: A Counterintuitive Approach to Healing Relationships and Bringing Back Love Podcast: Growing in Love for Life Podcast: Save and Strengthen Your Marriage Instagram: @liamnaden Facebook: liamnadenfan

Liam is a speaker, teacher, author and researcher. He teaches Neuro-State Rebalancing (NSR), a process for eliminating problems and taking control of your life by rebalancing the four parts of your brain.

How do you identify if a relationship is great or not?

We asked Liam for how can couples identify if their relationship is great or not. Liam says “ask yourself the question – What was I doing when things were going really well in our relationship?” Read the transcript snippet below in his own words on how that helps

What usually happens is people we’re doing something very different to what they’re doing now, and they’re wondering why they’ve got problems and why, that things aren’t as good but they’ve stopped doing the things that made it good.

What you need to start thinking is what was the environment that I had in my relationship when things were going well and what am I doing differently, and it’s the, the differences will be be pretty obvious and pretty simple.

Our takeaway: Shift your focus to the positive and what you wanna create rather than focusing on what you’re trying to remove. Put more of your time and your effort into increasing that positivity, that happiness.

“Relationship that you have with your spouse is a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself.”

Quote from Liams book

Shifting the focus from the “We” to the “I”

Liam says most of the problems in the relationship, when a partner want to stop working on it comes down to “They don’t find you attractive.” In general, people blame their spouses for the problems in the relationship. Liam says,

You need to change. When you change, when you become an attractive person again, they’re going to want to change. They’re gonna want to stay with you. Who wouldn’t if you were back to being that person, they fell in love with that great attractive person that they decided they wanted to be with, then of course they’re going to want to communicate. They’re going to want to be intimate. They’re going to want to to be with you.

Counseling or Un-counseling

Should people go to Couples Therapy when struggling in their relationships? What are the pros and cons? Liam says “80% of people have said to me that didn’t work or it made, it actually made things worse.” Here’s his take on the topic

There are lots of reasons. Things such as, again, you’re focusing on the problems when you go to counseling and it, and the other problem is that well, often one the other person doesn’t want to go, which doesn’t help. And then it becomes a sort of a picking on them session it can do. But I think the problem, what I’ve noticed, again, problems are a symptom of what’s going on in your relationship. They’re not the cause.

What can individuals do to be more attractive?

There are many kinds of fears in our relationship, that Liam says stops us from being attractive. These fears make us a needy person where we’re always trying to put in all this effort and pressure rather than just being yourself, being fun.

It is a bit, counterintuitive or paradoxical, but that’s the sort of person you need to be. You have to be the sort of person who’s willing to let go of your relationship. if you want to hang onto it. And that’s when I found about people in great relationships who’d been together for a long time. They weren’t worried about the future of their relationship. They were like, Hey, I’m here because I want to be. I’m here because I’m having great fun. And if at any time in the future we didn’t get on, or something happened and we weren’t meant to be together, well, I could just look back and say it was no longer meant to be. And that’s all right. I’ll be fine. It’s just one of those things. Now, it doesn’t mean you’re ready to walk out, but it means you don’t have this pressure and fear attached to your relationship. You’re just enjoying being there and being yourself and allowing your spouse to be themself as well.

Exercise: Then what?

An exercise to help overcome your fear. So for instance, if you say, I’m really afraid that if my marriage ended, I’d end up alone and lonely. The idea is you have a friend. Who in this instance is yourself. You ask yourself,

Q: Well, then what would happen? So I end up alone and lonely.
Q: Then what would happen? Well, I’d be really miserable, and I’d be living in a, little apartment with sitting in the corner all day crying my eyes out.
Q: Okay. Then what would you do? Well, I’d probably get a bit tired of sitting in the corner and crying in my eyes out. So I’d probably maybe contact a couple of friends and ask if they want to get together.
Q: Okay. And then what would you do? Well, we’d get together. And then what would happen? Well, they’d probably say to me, you know, they’d probably try and cheer me up and, and remind me that I’m a good person and hey, you know, why don’t you go and meet somebody else, and do some socializing and you’ll find somebody else.
Q: And then what? Well, I probably would, I probably would start to stop feeling for it, sorry for myself, and I’d probably go out and meet new people.
Q: Okay. And then what? And then another fear comes up. I’d meet all these weird, strange people and they’d have all these negative experiences,
Q: Okay. And then what would happen? Oh, well, I’d probably start to get a little bit clever and or smarter and more experienced about evaluating people and seeing, who was right or not for me.
Q: And then what? Well then I’d start to meet some better quality people.
Q: Okay. And then what? Well then I’ll probably meet somebody really am really amazing actually.

All of these things that, because all you see, all your brain sees when you’re in a stress state, is that next negative situation. Sitting in the corner, crying your eyes out, with nobody around your brain, doesn’t allow you to see all these other possibilities. This exercise helps you see path that to other options.

What do you do to build a healthier relationship with your partner?

Liam laughs and says “We just have fun in the moment and don’t take anything too seriously.” Liam shares more about one of their philosophy “You worry about what you think, I’ll worry about what I think.”

Connect with Liam Naden